You set out to go on a journey. The purpose of this journey is to find your true self. On this journey, you plan to go out on the path in front of you. Going forward is the only way through. 

You’re well aware that it won’t be an easy feat, but you’re prepared for anything that may come your way. You understand there will be twists and turns that stumble you, unforeseen circumstances that drain you, and roads that leave you questioning whether or not you’re on the right path. The paths can seem never ending as if you’re wondering aimlessly, hoping to find a way out; hoping to reach the end of the uncertainty. 

After some time, this journey is taking longer than expected and your mind becomes saturated with worry and self-doubt. The loneliness of this journey is soundless, making it easy for the blaring thoughts in your mind to consume you. 

As time wears on, you’re crumbling and the pressure is starting to feel overwhelming. All you long for is to just make it to the end, but feel like you’re almost at a breaking point. 

It feels like a bad dream where you abruptly wake in panic; sweating, panting, and unable to relax. Anxiousness interrupts your ability to rest as you long for your worries to be over while desperation seeps into your body like an IV; anger in place of electrolytes due to the growing frustration of stagnancy. 

The faint thought of any illumination in this darkness diminishes into a non-existent fairytale. The patience you once possessed is fading with a light that used to be. Light is now a figment of your imagination… Or is it? 

You recall back to the moment you began this journey.

You look behind, back where you started, and contemplate whether or not you should return in the direction you came. Back there, there’s light you can see. A light that you know how to turn on and off. A light that you can control. 

Though, in spite of this light, it will lead you back to the beginning. A result where growth isn’t developed. A place where you lose all and gain nothing. It’s static; but it undoubtedly makes sense. 

Of course you should return to safety and familiarity. It’s secure, it’s reliable, and the comfortability removes the concern of the unfamiliar troubles ahead of you. 

Finally, after careful debate you decide to follow through with this plan. You’re exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. You have almost nothing left to give, but with everything in you, you muster up enough energy to make a dash back towards everything you know. You take off in a full on, rampant sprint to make it home, reassuring yourself that this was the best outcome. 

As you draw closer to the familiar light, however, something peculiar is beginning to take place. The light should grow as you near it, but it isn’t. Instead, the closer you get, the further it moves opposite of you. 

No matter how fast or how hard you run, the light moves away from you with the same amount of force. 

“How could this be?”, you wonder. 

The same path on which you began this journey, is now playing tricks on you. You can’t move forward, but you also can’t go back. You’re stuck. Not only physically, but you’re stuck in frustration as a rush of emotions overtake you. 

You want to give up. You crave so desperately to wake up from this bad dream, but instead this dream is a constant nightmare. Every time you wake, you fall back into the bad dream. 

There is no hope. 

There is no way out. 

And now, you’re all alone with no guidance on what to do. Despair devours you. 

Now here you are, in the middle of this path, completely still with your eyes closed and your arms and legs folded in a feeble position on the ground. You’re hurt and dirty. You’re hungry and thirsty and your journey has come to a complete halt. 

Your mind is racing with a multitude of thoughts. You’re scouring for something…anything – a glimmer of hope, an answer to a question, a way through. 

After many hours of this constant cycle, you now focus your attention back to this light you hope to reach. You long to find a light that gets you out of the darkness you’re in. You open your eyes, hoping that this light will magically appear but to no avail, it remains absent. 

Alternatively, you notice a figure in the distance in front of you. You squint your eyes to make out this figure, but you cannot see who or what it is. It must be some sort of mirage and convince yourself that you’re at the point where you are hallucinating.  Are you going insane? 

You close and reopen your eyes again, hoping they are deceiving you. But they aren’t. And this figure is now drawing closer to you. Your fight or flight senses begin to ease into your worry. You aren’t sure what this figure could be. Is it a wild animal? Is it a person? An inanimate object?

You examine the figure as they are approaching your direction. They are moving towards you confidently, with purpose and this intimidates you more. You quickly try to gather yourself. Preparing yourself for the worst, in case this figure has ill intentions. 

As you try to stand, your weak body opposes you, as you fall back down towards the rough gravel beneath you. You begin to weep as reality settles into your mind: you can’t defend yourself. 

The figure is now moving faster, approaching within a few yards away. You’re still on your hands and knees, as tears begin escaping from your eyes rapidly. You try to brush them away with your hands, but the dust and dirt from the path beneath you distorts your face, causing your vision to become blurred. 

You panic. 

You close your eyes and let out a sharp, loud, piercing scream as the figure is now several inches away from you. 

There’s nowhere to turn. 

There’s nowhere to hide. 

There’s nothing left to do, but face it head on. 

“It’s going to be ok,” you hear a familiar voice finally let out. 

This figure is …a person? 

The insanity plea is all but fair at this point. You’re either hearing things or this dream is feeling more realistic by the minute. You’ve convinced yourself that you lost it and this journey has brought about the worst possible outcome: derangement.

You wonder what this figure could possibly want from you. What they could possibly be doing? Did they know you were here? Are they attempting to help you? If you could even consider this to be help. Do they want to hurt you?

A new question populates for each possibility of this figure’s intention.

But the questions soon dissipate as you know you have to get yourself together. You need to see who this person is and ask what they are doing. You attempt to crack your eyes open, but uncontrollably shut them back immediately. 

Whoever this is, whatever this person is – produced a glow so bright that it nearly blinds you. 

You squeeze your eyes shut to the point where it is more painful to keep them closed than to open them.

Your discomfort is the encouragement needed to figure out what is going on. 

“What do you want from meeee,“ you cry out towards the glistening figure and then follow up with, “Who are you?” 

They say nothing in return. Your heart is beating quickly, with no consistent rhythm. You’re trying to rush to your feet, but your body is persistent in being your worst enemy.

“Let me help you,” they say softly.

You can’t see them, but you feel them motioning a lending hand towards you.

“Drink this,” they instruct you as you feel a warm cup press against your body. 

You feel around, motioning to find this cup. As you grab it, you feel a warm towel press against your face and eyes. They are helping you, as if they know exactly what is wrong with you. As if they know you cannot see.

This person proceeds to run the towel on other parts of your body, wiping off dirt, debris, and other elements that have taken over you. It is in this moment, as you drink the warm water that you finally feel strong enough to open your eyes. The light is still bright, but now doesn’t feel blinding as before. There is still this inexplicable glow among them. 

You’re now squinting, eyes barely ajar as you attempt to examine this person. You recognize their hands, as they are still running a towel over you. 

You know this person. 

As you make your eyes up towards their face, you gasp and motion backwards. You are so taken aback by who this person is that you become frightened. 

You don’t know what to do. This is a dream. No, this may possibly be a nightmare. You want to run away, but you know you can’t. You need to face this person head on.

You ask the figure, “How is this possible?”

They’re silent. 

They continue cleaning you up, as if they don’t hear you. 

“Been a tough road so far, huh?” They finally ask you with a slight smile.

You’re not sure what to make of this remark. Are they insulting you? Mocking you? They nerve of them to do such a thing. You’re not sure what to reply back. They can obviously see the struggle you’ve experienced. Before you can come up with the right words to say, they continue.

“You’ve had quite the journey so far and I know it’s been hard for you. But you should’ve known what you were getting yourself into. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy.”

You just sit there – dazed, confused, bewildered. 

You wonder why are they telling you this.

“But I knew this what happen. We knew. And that’s why I’m here to help you. And to also remind you, that you will make it through. I’m your reminder that you will.”

The figure finally finishes fixing you up and helps you stand and you’re now standing eye to eye. An older, but cleaner reflection of yourself examines you from head to toe. The figure is you. 

They turn around to head back towards the direction they came, and you try to follow them. They turn back to say, “This light that you’re on a desperate search for, stop looking. You won’t find it anywhere.”

This statement puzzles you. 

“What do you mean? Why won’t I find it?” you ask. 

“It has been in you all along. The light is in you. You are the light.”

The figure finally walks out of sight and you now know what this all means. You’ve found your true self. 

Growth is never linear. 

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. This is a special project that came to life exactly how I wanted it to. This is one of a collection of short stories that I’m currently working on. I hope this read could help you, encourage you, and motivate you in some way. You’re never alone in this journey we call life..

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-Bri